Hitting the WALL
Last night watched The Wall and absolutely rapped with it being that I haven't seen the movie for many a years, far too many have passed. Cranked the volume up, downed more JB & coke to settle me in for the night. This film brought out some of those emotions swelling around the sub concious membranes hidden in some dark closet of the soul.
Trouble is by the end of it I was way past bed time and not feeling too pleased with myself. I should've made myself go to bed straight away but no I had to indulge the music of Pink Floyd some more, and more I did. First of the rank was Echoes, naturally thumping out in the lounge. Move on into the computer room and found it on the mac's iTunes. So hey there's a few more albums here so why not get comfortably numb here.
What I am leading up to is my flashes of emotions wishing Sharon was there with me as she loved PF as well, and moved very very nicely to it if you know what I mean. Quite the opposite for my poor old mate N who's better half hates the thought of them.
So I had to do it didn't I! I know and knew I shouldn't be doing but had to email S to let her know I was well thinking of her. I wrote that she was not to reply, and no it wasn't some dark ploy to feign her back just to get a few things of my mind. I shouldn't have sent it. Pity I don't have a recall facility in Mail. What was written was better that, written and never sent to her.
This morning is regretful for that and chatting to S in UK. That I should definitely not have done. In fact the whole infinity and beyond search for a soulmate is all crap. The dating sites are getting pitiful and shit - I think I have to finally admit depressing. All this meat out there and a lot of it is like the shops; some on display to tempt you into the shop, then you get in to find a lot of the merchandise has gone way past their useby dates, and the stock out the back is held back for the fire sales. So the shopping goes on until a good "buy" comes along.
Depression is getting to be somewhat bipolar within. Having the inteligence to know better, sometimes doing better, sometimes doing what shouldn't be doing, and a lot of times feeling well, Depressed. Feel quite fragile a fair bit lately and easily jump to the dark side I know is so easy to go there but hold it together enough not to.....but
Moreso lately I have the stresses of losing S, work is winding up in a couple of weeks, getting JA and A of the dating list too, trying to quit smoking, time on my hands I have to get used to again as I have a fair number of little projects to get done but find the solace of vegging more comforting lately.
That's the story so far for this morning so until then,
Riker out...
Trouble is by the end of it I was way past bed time and not feeling too pleased with myself. I should've made myself go to bed straight away but no I had to indulge the music of Pink Floyd some more, and more I did. First of the rank was Echoes, naturally thumping out in the lounge. Move on into the computer room and found it on the mac's iTunes. So hey there's a few more albums here so why not get comfortably numb here.
What I am leading up to is my flashes of emotions wishing Sharon was there with me as she loved PF as well, and moved very very nicely to it if you know what I mean. Quite the opposite for my poor old mate N who's better half hates the thought of them.
So I had to do it didn't I! I know and knew I shouldn't be doing but had to email S to let her know I was well thinking of her. I wrote that she was not to reply, and no it wasn't some dark ploy to feign her back just to get a few things of my mind. I shouldn't have sent it. Pity I don't have a recall facility in Mail. What was written was better that, written and never sent to her.
This morning is regretful for that and chatting to S in UK. That I should definitely not have done. In fact the whole infinity and beyond search for a soulmate is all crap. The dating sites are getting pitiful and shit - I think I have to finally admit depressing. All this meat out there and a lot of it is like the shops; some on display to tempt you into the shop, then you get in to find a lot of the merchandise has gone way past their useby dates, and the stock out the back is held back for the fire sales. So the shopping goes on until a good "buy" comes along.
Depression is getting to be somewhat bipolar within. Having the inteligence to know better, sometimes doing better, sometimes doing what shouldn't be doing, and a lot of times feeling well, Depressed. Feel quite fragile a fair bit lately and easily jump to the dark side I know is so easy to go there but hold it together enough not to.....but
Moreso lately I have the stresses of losing S, work is winding up in a couple of weeks, getting JA and A of the dating list too, trying to quit smoking, time on my hands I have to get used to again as I have a fair number of little projects to get done but find the solace of vegging more comforting lately.
That's the story so far for this morning so until then,
Riker out...
posted by Riker58 at 9:03 am
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